Why transsexual dating websites are frustrating..

[hannah1555]

RANT ALERT

Something that has bothered me about the internet trans dating community is that most of the members are perverted cisgendered males preying on Male to female transsexuals in order to satisfy a disgusting fetish.

I wish there was a dating website where no cissgendered people were welcome. That way I could be sure that most of the people I come across will be less likely to be sickos with fetishes... and more likely to understand where Im coming from as a transsexual.

[(deleted)]

`Only problem with that is that many of the trans community like cisgenders, or both. And when you're trying to get a date and it's hard enough as it is, then being inclusive rather than exclusive is always the surest road.

I can't say I understand, cuz I'm not in your position and I guess these boys don't like my pretty face. BUT, I respect that you deal with their bs as I can only imagine the frustration when you find that this seemingly normal guy is quite the opposite.

[maev]

`Yeah I have the same problem, You never really know their true intentions and it's not very comforting feeling like your only chance at intimacy is with someone who doesn't like you for you but more for what you have downstairs combined with what you might happen to look like.

[(deleted)]

`I have the same problem. I get a lot of weirdos emailing me saying, "you're sexy!" I mean really! If you are real and truly interested, you will say something else. Make appropriate compliments etc.

[(deleted)]

`I keep bumping into scammers! Where are the real people on this site!

[lookingformtf4]

`My .02.

I think you're generalizing and stereotyping. You have no idea where people are really at... What I've learned from this crazy life o mine is that s----lity is a moving target. How can you be a tx and not KNOW that. So don't be so judgemental.

And regarding pervs cruising for sex, do you think it's ever been any different being gay (or straight for that matter)? I can't tell you how many times I was hit on by trolls in my teens and twenties... it's just typical for guys on the prowl.

If you feel like a piece of meat... AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT... change your attitude, send a different message, chill, dress down, don't push your s----lity, push your personality. And don't get upset when you don't get as many of the looks either.

But if you're gonna wear the Come F Me Dress don't be shocked when the meat puppets come out of the woodwork.

How's that for a return rant?

[(deleted)]

`What are you talking about?? You have me all wrong. The clothing I am wearing is decent. It's a tank top and a pick sweeter jacket. How is that over the top?? Also, I am not being judgemental about this site and people. It's just what I have observed and experienced.
There's no need to respond so rudely.

[feedback]

kittylove31 wrote: `I keep bumping into scammers! Where are the real people on this site!

As a 100% free site, we are bound to attract some 'bad apples', but we have methods in place for members to report anyone they think is a spammer or a scammer.

Report buttons are located within every forum post.
Report buttons are located within every email message.
Report buttons are located on every profile page.

Separately, we have automatic filters in place that identify location and alert us when members lie about where they are located.

We have spam filters in place to catch obvious spam related terms before email messages are able to be sent from member to member.

In other words, we try pretty hard to lessen the chances that the site will be filled with 'scammers'...but no system is foolproof.

And since we are 100% free, we will always be a magnet for people who want to try and get away with things that are not allowed.

If you, or any member, has any suspicions about any other member being a 'scammer', it's pretty simple...report them.

We do not delete members just because they are reported, but we do go through their account 'with a fine tooth comb'.

So, we bristle a little at statements like 'all I run into is scammers'.

Please report anyone you think is trying to take advantage of you, or any other member.

Thanks,


.

[lookingformtf4]

kittylove31 wrote: `What are you talking about?? You have me all wrong. The clothing I am wearing is decent. It's a tank top and a pick sweeter jacket. How is that over the top?? Also, I am not being judgemental about this site and people. It's just what I have observed and experienced.
There's no need to respond so rudely.



kittylove31 wrote: `What are you talking about?? You have me all wrong. The clothing I am wearing is decent. It's a tank top and a pick sweeter jacket. How is that over the top?? Also, I am not being judgemental about this site and people. It's just what I have observed and experienced.
There's no need to respond so rudely.



It was general advice, in response to the OP, and I didn't mean in the least that you looked like that.



If it came off rude, I certainly didn't mean that either, my apologies. I was just trying to make the point that dating has always been a crapshoot, because there are those who are only out for s--. And it's not just for MTF, it's for everybody.

The only way to fight it is to present yourself clearly as somebody who is not just out for s--.

Anyway the OP was ranting, and I rant'd back. I blame the wine!

Peace.

[godzillaeyes1]

In the beginning was kind of bad, I'll admit, but as the more experienced I've gain with dating sites. I don't take any dating sites very seriously or the people on them. Every thing on dating site should be take as fun or lightly. I'm of the mind set that I will not meet someone online who I will find incredibly irresistible as I would in real life. Over the years, I've met alot of fun people online, but most of them are only on a platonic level.

I hate stereotyping, but with most men in general... it might kind of hard or impossible to have a completely platonic relationship with a woman that they find attractive. Because, the attraction often starts on s----l level ... while intimacy and relationship manners approach later on in the process.


On my personal behalf, I had some frustrations with it, but often times even early on in the process...it was rather easy to spot the "notorious transsexual chasers." Honestly, I don't think anything is wrong with men who prefer pre-op transsexuals or even transvestites who simply have had surgeries (like breast implants or etc to look like a woman without necessarily becoming a transsexual or woman). People have different taste.

Oftentimes, I would say I could never have a fantastic relationship with chaser, not necessarily because he doesn't like me for who I am or etc. But for the simple fact, I don't feel that way about most men, regardless of their race, persuasion, size, or even physical looks. I don't feel gung-ho about men in general. To some chasers, they are attracted to femininity of transsexuals and say that women do not have that kind of deposition. Again, I think that's just a justification, when reality it's very easy to find a beautiful and very feminine one . . . problem becomes can a individual man attract such a woman or compete for her affection with other men. It's kind of competition thing, and transsexuals may present an easier route to a beautiful woman for some men, because society is still not quite accepting of such women. I only say this because on the surface there's no difference between a trans woman and cisgender woman (beyond the gender difference) and pre-op transwoman still has her manly parts. There's tall women out there, there' women with masculine features, there's women with exceeding class and grace (with femininity), and etc. I honestly think for some men the ----- aspect does have something to do with, especially if they have preference for pre-op over post-op.

I feel the same way about someone who really loves (or ----s after) black women or black transwomen. I don't have an instant affinity for such a person, because they don't like or know me as individual. It's not to say cannot be attracted to person who has fet--- for transsexual or black women, but I won't be attracted to anyone who has such a fetish, especially if I feel that it is only s----l. That's kind of problem with alot of men. A man might see a transsexual as a MAGICAL creature with that embodies all the things that make a woman feminine, yet she possess something that only man could possess.

Another hurdle for me I have slight preference and attraction for women more so than men on emotional, physical, s----l, and psychological level. Even when I am intensely attracted to man, it tends to be a man who doesn't fit the norm typically. He either has feminine or agendered qualities, different from most guys (personality, socially), doesn't fit status quo (doesn't try fit in), and is more likely to open and out. With many chaser or admirers, many of them do tend to be in closet or not seriously looking for a relationship. In my view, I don't see magical creature, I just see a man wearing a blue t-shirt and jeans.

[logan73]

`Try being a gay trans man....It's VERY hard to try and find a decent guy who thinks of something other than s--. S-- seems to be all anyone is concerned about. I think people have forgotten what it's like to be in a relationship. I want more than s--...I can get that anytime from my ex....I want something that's substantial.....

[godzillaeyes1]

logan73 wrote: `Try being a gay trans man....It's VERY hard to try and find a decent guy who thinks of something other than s--. S-- seems to be all anyone is concerned about. I think people have forgotten what it's like to be in a relationship. I want more than s--...I can get that anytime from my ex....I want something that's substantial.....



People are often selfish and only concerned about S-- and themselves (other reasons, like money, favors, or etc.), nowadays. I've gotten to a cross roads in my life and taken myself out of the dating scene, because it's full of bullsh!t. For both cisgender and transgender/transsexual people, people aren't mentally and emotionally readying themselves for any relationship.

It's harder for both trans men/women, though. It automatically brings out the fet--- crowds, and fetishes are typically tied to S-- or relationships that mostly focus on the s----l aspect. Chasers, both men and women are almost no different and it's kind of revolting. I guess more everyday sort of look down individuals who are transsexuals, especially if they aren't perfected.

[(deleted)]

hannah1555 wrote: RANT ALERT

I wish there was a dating website where no cissgendered people were welcome. That way I could be sure that most of the people I come across will be less likely to be sickos with fetishes... and more likely to understand where Im coming from as a transsexual.



That's an excellent idea!

Mind if I steal it?

I wouldn't set it up as a dating site though. I'd make it more like a heavily moderated niche social network. Perhaps use Ning or WordPress as a platform for it?

There is a lot to be said for the idea of a trans-only space!

The "I have a trans friend" or "I have a trans ex" brigade can be pretty sketchy!

Its really unfortunate that 95% of the guys I talk to on-line have a fet--- for the one part of my body that I want surgically inverted.

As for the remaining 5%, they have some very weird notions about trans women.

Some fantasists have an axe to grind with genetic women in their past and project all their fantasies on to trans woman because they have no real-world experience that might pour cold water on them.

Let's not forget the guys (?) who are actually MTF trans themselves who misinterpret their own fascination with trans women as romantic love.

I strongly suspect that my hyper-masculine anabolic steroid using bodybuilder ex belongs to this category. Gorilla suit of muscle notwithstanding.

Personally, I am bisexual. So I have options. But I seriously doubt that there will be any more cisgender guys in my life before surgery.

[superjello]

[deleted]

[swtor1977]

I'm noticing a lot of genetic male hostility here. Not everyone is exposed to transgender/transsexual people at a super early age. Given that society at large doesn't talk about let alone openly support said people there should be no shock at the level of ignorance of the community. I myself am 30 and only in the last 6-7 years did i learn anything meaningful about the community. I'll date pre-op, post-op, and GGs, but of course looks are going to matter and anyone who says they don't is a liar. I don't see anything wrong with finding someone i find physically attractive first, then getting to know them better as that is how us human beings are wired. But to say i'm as bad as someone who thinks transsexuals are some kind of mythical humanoid born beautiful with interchanged "parts" is ridiculous. Yes, my experience within the community is limited, but wanting to exclude people like myself who haven't fully experienced everything and are fairly open-minded seems rather isolationist and counterproductive.